just tell him i said nine months
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize
