And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
