i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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