He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
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