there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Randomize
