so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
so let's talk penis.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
