Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
