Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
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