It's like a parade of train wrecks.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
You don't make any sense
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