why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize
