I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
Randomize
