Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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