I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
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