wrigley field is MILF paradise
mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Randomize
