i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Randomize
