I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
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