It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
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