I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Randomize
