doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Randomize
