just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Randomize
