Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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