okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize