it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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