Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
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