We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
Randomize
