Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
