What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Randomize