pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Randomize
