When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
