I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
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