god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
Randomize
