awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Randomize
