like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
I'm too high and old for this...
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
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