My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Randomize
