Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
