yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Randomize