Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
