Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
