I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
Randomize
