So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Randomize
