everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
