i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
