I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
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