so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
