Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
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