My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Randomize
