Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
Nicole vs. Life
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
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