I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Randomize
