You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
My butt remains clenched, sir.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
Randomize
