i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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