yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
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