i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
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