Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Randomize
