He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
I want her autograph on my taint
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Randomize
