so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
Randomize
