the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
Randomize
