we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
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