Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Randomize
