So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Randomize
