it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Randomize
