Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize
