I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
Randomize
