Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
