So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Randomize
