I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
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