I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
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