How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
We left an ass print on the piano.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
Randomize
