he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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