what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Randomize
