There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
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