I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
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