I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
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