when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
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