So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
