Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
