i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
Randomize
