The maid of honor just puked.
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
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