there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
