you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
