I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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