I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
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