He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
this just has baby written all over it
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
So vagazzling was a success
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
Randomize
