Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
Randomize
