never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
